wyrdwind

Self Soothing Behavior

I guess what it comes down to is

you gotta get the same toys out of the toy box

even though you’ve never met before.

And you don’t know what kinda house he came from

or how he wandered into your neighborhood,

and maybe some of his toys have been lost or broken

and he’s holding onto rocks, glass, and trash instead,

hurting himself,

and he’s forgotten how to play certain games.

But even though you’ve been

the only one of your kind

your entire life

you still recognize,

these toys are the same, in fact,

in lieu of companionship

you’ve become an expert toy maker,

really put the tinker in bell.

You fix the ones you can, and yeah

maybe they’re a little different now,

had to use E6000 and kinda freestyle,

lil peep of lavender and sparkle just to say

I Was Here,

put googly eyes on them rocks and figure it out,

draw smiley faces, consult the tomes,

open your best storybooks, string some old Nintendos

and dial up your weird girl laboratory,

Lite-Brite, Easy Bake, Precious Metals,

you’re a mad scientist in a pretty skirt,

have him hold one of your stuffs

while you perform your lifesaving operations

and don’t ever take a bad toy away

without ready replacement

all that grown ups try to sell you on poison,

break your spirit the moment you’re born,

and maybe he literally came from nowhere,

outta nothing, some secret wilderness,

some trickster spirit that heard you at your lowest

and said I Got This, I can figure out pants.

Maybe he’s not even human

and this is day one doing the people business,

but that’s okay,

he’s here trying his best,

this is your person, the point is,

you get the same toys out of the toy box

and even if they’re a little different now

they’re still his originals, the most important

objects of power. I’ve said

it’s about intention.

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@~^~

I guess I felt like writing a small essay.

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Fun fact: Openness to Experience is the most difficult of the Big Five Personality Traits to change because it has a baseline genetic component and is deeply ingrained very early on. It is directly tied to both cognitive style/crystallized intelligence and your inner child, meaning it cannot be easily altered through behavior alone and requires very high cognitive load as what you are addressing is how you think, imagine, and process emotions. Replacing the broken or missing mirror you were given or withheld by your parents/circumstances and holding your own hand while you grow up again. Give yourself the childhood you never had. It’s like trying to divert a river one pebble at a time. Unless someone or something blows outta nowhere and acts as an affectionate landslide. A loving earthquake.

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Abuse and trauma typically smother Openness and heighten Neuroticism, which is the No Good Very Bad Time combination that will either cause or dramatically worsen mental illness. If you add poverty and lack of healthcare to that mix it’s catastrophic. Incidentally, the genes pertaining to intelligence are found on the X chromosome, of which women have two, and estrogen increases neuroplasticity. Both of these things have protective effects against the most debilitating mental illnesses. That women suffer the most from autoimmune disease and mental illnesses despite this biological advantage should tell you something about how toxic this world is. Abnormal and an affront to human dignity.

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What I’m getting at is that calm, joyful, and intelligent moms who don’t settle for subpar mates and are in full control of their environment make resilient babies. It doesn’t matter so much what’s going with the male so long as he isn’t old as fuck or using substances, and is what she genuinely desires—as in, is this who she would choose free of societal conditioning and material leverage? Men basically invented money and religion to artificially inflate their own value and force access to the reproductive labor of women. Created economies of suffering and servitude just for the chance of putting a crown on their heads literally or metaphorically, climbing to the top of some sort of pile even if it’s a mountain of shit and corpses. Muddy the gene pool.

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A major reason I expound upon the subject of true love so much is that most women are lying to themselves and divorced from their own bodies/desires/power. Men certainly do not aspire to the merits of even the most average woman (much less truly see woman as human to begin with). There are of course outliers, but not as many as you would wishfully imagine. So long as this remains the case, our species will continue to deteriorate. The planet will die. So I use the first tools I was ever given: imagination, rhymes, and fairy tales. Do better or perish. Call me a vicious romantic.