wyrdwind

Third Wind

So I was going through it—

When have I not been—

When I suddenly attained lucid dreaming

Which from then on became my default state

Slipped through the waters of my mind

Into some deep, ocean-breathed cavern

A whole village up under there

Wood and leaf construction, tropical climate

And I was charmed, delighted even

The amber lights of little lamps winking in the mist

Wet cobblestones soothed my soles

I could go anywhere

Instead of a cold iron fist, my heart roused like parking lot pigeons in a rain puddle

All the buildings were unoccupied save one

Of course the tavern

Heard quite the party inside, entire village in attendance

So I opened the door and made to introduce myself, ask directions

But all the oddly shifting…people beings

Turned and gaped at me

Like I was the strangest creature they’d ever seen

Silent

Like shit, ya’ll the ones with faces look like melted egg

And very gingerly the slowly undulating room…scooted me back outside

Like when you gently escort a spider to the stoop

Perplexed, I went on my way

Just enjoying myself, exploring

Then a kiosk sprang to life

And inside it was a “man”

Vaguely formal funerary attire, top hat

Unbuttoned, just a bit of bare chest, some jewelry

Dark skinned, long braids, one gold eye, one…regular

You know, obviously full of mischief

And I was like fuck it now we’re getting somewhere

All, ahem, good evening to you sir

And the first thing he said to me

With amusement

Was “You’re not supposed to be here yet.”

The man spoke in riddles, thick island accent

Or rather, spoke in images and scenes

As if his language itself were poetry and song

An effortless stream of infinite variation and depth

Which suited me just fine

That’s simply how one converse at the grown-up table

There is no more effective way to retain and convey massive amounts of highly specific information

He asked for my hand

And though I half expected to get clowned on, I offered it

He had a look and said with some softness

“You’re a beauty.”

Oh ho ho, that’s how it be, this one had a way with the ladies

But I entertained his thoughts with sufficient yet irreverent gravity

He said some other things, and finally

That when the time came

I’d fly straight to heaven

Though he and I both knew that was something I didn’t believe in—

Of course I know him, he’s me—

But being the lowercase implied alternate meaning

And I glimpsed the sweetest eternity

A tiny little seed embraced by heavy earth teeming

And full of possibility

I could go anywhere

I could be anything

I didn’t want to wake

Anyways, do you ever look back yeeears later

After you’ve stumbled upon certain esoteric tidbits

And go HEY

Mischief creature

.

Captive Audience

We wandered by her daughter’s keyboard

And each of us simultaneously pressed a single key

I went off the deep end and she went high

The kids asked what was so funny

She always had to interject

“Guys, she’s my friend,”

Because her littles would just monster truck all over every conversation

Try and drag me to a second location

Kids blossom when you treat them like growing people instead of children

Remember far more than you’ll be comfortable with, notice things you didn’t

Eager earth and bespoke genetic expression, be mindful what you plant

Listen with the stillness of your environment

Pay attention

They’re not stupid

Well she knew I had no interest in gambling with the other adults

So she found a movie she thought I’d like

The Revenant

Something about a scraggly man getting beat up by a bear in the woods??

I wouldn’t know

Because her youngest girl crawled up the back of the couch

And into my lap

And talked for three hours straight

Continued her address even while asleep

Honestly impressive

Spinning an entire web of stories

Which I realized were all of her dreams

Along with every single thought or drop of imagining to ever cross her very busy mind

Woven seamlessly throughout her physical reality

When her mama came to check on us

And bring me a stiff drink

She pulled a blanket over the mumbling child

And whispered knowingly

“You didn’t hear any of it did you?”

Credits rolling

Not one word

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Live Laugh Love

I’m just saying have some standards

See people acting a mess over scraps of affection from the opposite sex

And here I am waking up to chipper morning texts

Like a bird’s nest of recently hatched eggs

She’ll tell me how much she enjoys her quiet house and cup of coffee

Watching videos about interior design

Wearing her grandma’s old nightgown

What she cooked or how good it feels to clean

The to-do list, a somatic scan

How long she cried

Just anything

Tells me she loves me and she’s glad we’re friends

Randomly, always, always

Shows up at my work to bring me treats and coffee

I’m down whenever it’s time to renovate or redecorate

Construction, earthworks, gardening, flooring, plumbing sprung a leak, I’m a beast

Steeeep curve on the gardening, cotton ears sometimes

Get drunk and build furniture in the Babe Cave

Through and through September baby basic

Says she likes inspirational and Bible quotes

When she says those things she means it

I know you do mama, this is why we’re friends

She admires my relentless storm of creation and analyses

Wonders what the world must be like the way I see

Even if she doesn’t always know how to respond in kind

How you don’t speak Weather’s language directly, you just know to hunker down or fly

There will be signs

When the GPS lock on my location showed my Uber driver gone AWOL

Spoke neither English nor Spanish nor any Latin-based

Fucked off into the dark desert

In the far opposite direction of my house

She was in her truck with the Glock out at a pin’s drop

Still somewhat drunk but certainly not so drunk she couldn’t shoot his tires and run his car off the road

Got that anxiety override

We don’t play in red states

Shoved a man to the ground just because she thought he touched her ass

Put every other man in the vicinity on notice

No hesitation

The three of us went out dancing once

And my sister said she couldn’t understand why the two of us were so close

Because we had nothing in common besides Jiu Jitsu

But that’s just, you know, strutting the stuff, kicking dirt, scent marking

She don’t like nobody at first anyway

This is why we’re friends

Three velociraptors all ladies, ladies, it’s okay

We can all be old biddies in the Practical Magic house together someday

.

Daisies

He had been her most difficult pregnancy

The roughest road to recovery

Broad shoulders, fat head, blood sugar fluctuations

Still compulsively checks the mirror for the baby weight

The day before, she’d helped him clean and redecorate

Didn’t catch a red flag

After all, look who’s her best friend

He wanted floor to ceiling black

They sat side by side

And he asked if she was happy for him

Or happy for her

They’re not stupid

He always wanted to come with us when we ran errands

She still sleeps with a pillowcase full of his candy wrappers

Foiled blooms strewn about where they found him

Meanwhile her husband bought the car his son would never be old enough to drive

Shadow black Mustang GT, red leather interior, black rims

Gave it to the youngest daughter

Who dresses like her mother

But took up his chains and clove cigars

Gotta grow into some legs to reach those pedals

Oh that boy cried and pouted when she took off on her bike and he couldn’t manage

Of course it didn’t help when his sister loudly announced that his legs were too weak

And called him a baby

That girl’s as subtle as gasoline

My messy baby stirring up shit

To be fair, that was revenge for the fact he’d punch her as hard as he could for no reason and laugh

You’ll recall the time I had to give that boy a Talking To

Now that’s the car his mama picks me up with when she needs to have emotions

Top down cruising at night

Incited a whole train of revved engines

Fucksake they couldn’t even see us

Still tryna race

She riled em up right into a sharp turn

Me looking to head off intermittent showers, a lil storm cloud

Finally I did voiceover for V-8 black black babygirl

Metal screamed LEAVE ME ALONE I’M SAD FUCK

Tongue out, double devil horns

And she laughed so hard we had to pull over

.

That Good Size

She pulled up wearing a cropped white peasant top with a flowy white floral skirt

And I came out in a stonewashed charcoal flutter dress with heavy chain belts

Prancers and stompers the usual

She rolled the window down and tipped a singsong helloo-o to the birthday girl

Her son’s birthday not long before

Rough ride

Over lavender lemon drops and a plate of hot cheese with bread at the bar—

It’s fine, artichoke is enough vegetable—

She showed me a picture of her supposedly overweight granddaughter

17 lbs at four months

Prediabetic my fucking ass

Doctor told her oldest still too green to fight her corner to withhold the tit

Telling a girl she fucking fat before she’s even walking

Go down there give Yelp review a new meaning

Baby cries you feed it, end of, go fuck yourself

Of course the doctor was a man

Demonstrated how grandma has to exercise her grandbaby’s chubby lil legs

And I slooowly side glanced over the cellphone screen

And made a lil gobble piggy snort

She wept and wheezed with laughter

The lady bartenders smiled to themselves

Thin crow’s feet and delicate crinkled corners hard earned

Her first wily grey hairs

Admired her brand new intricate gold pendant

Something something high end jewelry house idk

Showed me how it caught the light so beautifully

On account of being scored with tiny radiant lines

She has her grandma’s eyes

.

Where the Crawdads Sing

I went to my old river spot on a whim

The city put busted cement highway dividers jutting rebar all over to stop drug dealers from parking down there

Let the entire boat ramp go to shit, disintegrating jagged edge

Fountain grass and mesquite quick to scramble through the pebbled cracks

And what did I see but a bright red crawdad

Never before in my life

So I sent her a picture immediately

And she said that was so funny

Because it was her grandmother’s birthday

And she was just thinking about me

The youngest always said she only spoke on Jiji

When she and I were in the kitchen experimenting

Winging it

Adding spices until our ancestors gave the okay

How much chile?

Yes

Does the recipe call for garlic?

Fuck it yes

Our pumpkin pies have a kick

Fruit tart shelled with accidental orange zest shortbread

Liver and onions, eggplant dressing

Shrimp egg stew my favorite

Tiramisu but make it cinnamon grahams and cocowhip

Oh that’s just the triplets diapered and shirtless

Sitting on the tile floor mouths open like baby birds—

If you ever wonder why their first response when one of us calls is to cheerfully rip off their clothes and come running—

So (step)grandma can spoon feed them all in a row with minimal cleanup

By the time the third one is done chewing the first is ready again

We’ll learn utensils later

They don’t care what it is as long as it comes from your hand

Or was stuck to your pants

Not without manners, first they will offer you the pants snack

I say step but they all call her mom in the aftermath

Whose table do you sit at when shit hits the fan?

Who came got your ass?

Her grandma cooked with a cast iron cauldron on the lawn for the community

See a baby feed a baby

And as prescription for her granddaughter’s burgeoning turbulence

Told her if she put a pair of pants at the foot of her bed

God would fill them up with a man

Yeah, I know, I have some…notes

Grew up with her sister in New Orleans

Cast her ashes into the Mississippi

She passed when her oldest was but a babe

Where we’ll lay her son to rest

His father refused a service

Did not accompany her to retrieve the ashes

Yeah, I know, I have some…notes

She said what she’d missed all this time

What she needed most

Would have made all the difference

Was a strong woman’s presence in her life

I said look in the mirror

.

Synchronize

Just now as we speak she’s painted a picture for her office

A large black canvas with a hot pink cloud adrift in the center

And written stronger than the storm ❤ in the bottom corner

And my sister just sent me a picture of a picture

We took at a tourist spot when we were very young girls

Obligatory saloon dress up

You gotta do it at least once to say it’s done

Like two kids gone wild in the theater closet, a study of corseted contrasts

She’s wearing black wings and I’m wearing white

Also frilly britches red and black respective, garters, fishnets, liquor bottles and revolvers

Gold bead hair net to my pearl

Up To No Good

Much Mischief

You know I think everyone just might get along

Sister always snaps a pic when she’s shooting tequila and asks what I’m doing

Surprised once, asked where and with whom I was learning to yeehaw rope

And I said me and her and some teenage boy on YouTube who’s all legs and a hat

With champagne in the garage

She wholly approved

And one morning when mama didn’t cry

It was because she had a dream so wild

She told me first thing

Something about her blood was poison to vampires and she had to exterminate a nest

But couldn’t figure out how

And I pitched a pilot for a new show—

We are vampire drama connoisseurs, that’s what we do after Jiu Jitsu—

Where we travel the country with our Cajun food truck

Can switch hit Thai in a pinch

Undercover

Figured exploding blood bullets would be too complicated

Like one of us would have to be a smith and don’t get me wrong I could do it but…

Might be a health code violation

And flamethrowers a bit conspicuous

So I said we got special sigil wards and ropes soaked in blood and colloidal silver braided with sweetgrass

Wait for her to get her period

Then drive them on horseback into some booby traps

Idk like spike pits drenched in accelerants

Brambles, barbed wire, holy wells, I’m plenty creative

Full of tricks

We’ll call it Secret Ingredients

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Of A Feather

We sat on her bed watching “them swamp vampires”

With a pile of random snacks foraged from the kitchen

And Cosmopolitans her favorite

And got to talking about what my type even is

Because it sure as shit isn’t Bill (bee-uhl) or Eric Northman (pfft)

(Wasn’t a powerlifting Mexican biker working graveyard at a nursing home either tbh)

(Like fr the final guy better be gangly af ’cause I’m tired of cramps in my hips)

(I don’t care if he has all the grace of a skinwalking marionette)

(The proper consort of a Scary Godmother is a Fairy Longfather, I’ve decided)

(I digress)

She was curious, a romantic, tryna picture him

Seemed such a waste (she just wants more babies)

You know, wingwoman manifest

And I said it’s like how Maman accepts sacrifice of black roosters

Ha ha yeah yeah yeah, but also

That’s a fine feathered gentleman caller

Giving Ayam Cemani vibes

And if you look over on BackYardChickens

It’s either Behold My Rooster the Very Fancy Man much applause

Or FUCK that rooster, only good rooster is a dead rooster

Recipes in comments

Crockpot, spoon, chancla

Most often the latter, sad to say, Russian roulette at the hatchery

See I wouldn’t mind a papa goose takes thrice as long as me in the bathroom getting gussied up

(Being generous, I’m in and out fifteen minutes tops)

(I may or may not pat the ass, get the belly, I like my hands full)

Not saying he gotta go Marilyn Manson

Or even do the headbang like a lil cockatoo (so cute)

I’ll happily take Classic Gothic Lit ink smudged acoustic, I do specialize in the literary tradition

But that black plumage better be there in spirit

At the very least expressive and mildly if not overtly distressed

Stoicism is my gig, gotta have balance

I prefer to drive the tempo and the rhythm, that there’s the frontman

I don’t need help with my feelings or making decisions

VaLiDaTiOn

Last bitch in the world to say “let me ask my husband” or cry over an empty bed

(Just off working or puttering or whatever, not empty ’cause he’s like…dead)

(Shit, probably wouldn’t even cry then, that water’s went)

I need some quality sounds, way I see it

Why else men got all that bone density if not to be their woman’s amplifier

Sensitive and responsive exponents exclamation marks funeral pyres

Don’t get one if you don’t wanna be loud

Can’t maintain the…equipment

Shit happens, he could be a 40 year old barista jams in his parents’ attic for all I care

A janitor with burning passions and hidden talents who just never had the chance

Did the responsible thing instead

Well take it from a been there grizzled sunshine bitch who’s had nothing

For me, music inhabits the same tier as food, it’s honey in the comb, more is more

Saying I really like to put a pulse in a corpse

All the corpse, full rapture

Well my phone must have heard us fondly reminiscing the time we shat all over Nosferatu

Front row in the theater just roasting it to death

We make the bed wherever we’re at

Because YouTube suggested, shockingly, something that wasn’t trash

Good madams could I perchance interest you in Some Hold My Chalice Goth Shit

R.I.P. By Motionless in White

And we sat there, beaming opposites

Bubbling over because he would have loved it

He was so vain about his long hair and all his girls

Canoodling under fuzzy blankets at the theater

Tell you right now who that boy actually took after

.

Grann Brigitte

He’d toddle into the kitchen naked under an oversized shirt

‘Cause we were in there gossiping with coffee in our caftans

Bright and bushy in the morning just like his mama

First time we met he meowed and crawled into my lap

This kid

Bout three or four years old

Did his sisters’ makeup well

Taught himself to twerk off a furry porn video like auntie watch this

Woman you need to Speak to your son

He’d automatically put his hand in my hand

Or otherwise remain in some fashion attached

If mom was too busy, distracted

‘Cause that’s what a good boy does when he wants to leave the house

He loved to visit graveyards

Why would she have caught a red flag

I always pointed out the beautiful gates on the funeral home where they embalmed my grandfather

I remember them well

Like a strange symbol I found way back when

Linework curvature, spinal notches through a heart shaped hourglass

Sparkles and crossed hookups off open ends

Didn’t know what it meant, but I saw it and sensed

Felt that moment from my dream again

I teach the importance of instincts

How to listen

Her sister came to visit with her litany of girl children

And she brought them to a quiet, verdant cove to relax

But clocked at some distance a group of 19 men

Took note of it, this woman does not rest

Her head’s been on a swivel ever since she was fifteen

After a grown man knocked her up and split, notch in a long line

Funny how his “girlfriends” stayed the same age

How his disgust grew as their bodies changed

Sure enough, as her family splashed and chattered

The men began to encroach

She drew the girls to higher ground without drawing attention to herself

Had to make a split second decision whether to go back for the gun or get them out Now Now

Keep line of sight

It happens so fast

The girls never noticed, just moved when she said, unconcerned

And those men stopped dead

When they realized that she Saw them

And she would die first

She told me how there was no good reason

Men have no business thinking it’s acceptable to approach a group of women and children

Instead of maintain respectful distance

In her mama feelings, my girl

So I told her about feral pig social structure

And she goes are you saying I’m the Granny Pig

Indeed I am saying

We don’t play in red states