Third Wind
So I was going through it—
When have I not been—
When I suddenly attained lucid dreaming
Which from then on became my default state
Slipped through the waters of my mind
Into some deep, ocean-breathed cavern
A whole village up under there
Wood and leaf construction, tropical climate
And I was charmed, delighted even
The amber lights of little lamps winking in the mist
Wet cobblestones soothed my soles
I could go anywhere
Instead of a cold iron fist, my heart roused like parking lot pigeons in a rain puddle
All the buildings were unoccupied save one
Of course the tavern
Heard quite the party inside, entire village in attendance
So I opened the door and made to introduce myself, ask directions
But all the oddly shifting…people beings
Turned and gaped at me
Like I was the strangest creature they’d ever seen
Silent
Like shit, ya’ll the ones with faces look like melted egg
And very gingerly the slowly undulating room…scooted me back outside
Like when you gently escort a spider to the stoop
Perplexed, I went on my way
Just enjoying myself, exploring
Then a kiosk sprang to life
And inside it was a “man”
Vaguely formal funerary attire, top hat
Unbuttoned, just a bit of bare chest, some jewelry
Dark skinned, long braids, one gold eye, one…regular
You know, obviously full of mischief
And I was like fuck it now we’re getting somewhere
All, ahem, good evening to you sir
And the first thing he said to me
With amusement
Was “You’re not supposed to be here yet.”
The man spoke in riddles, thick island accent
Or rather, spoke in images and scenes
As if his language itself were poetry and song
An effortless stream of infinite variation and depth
Which suited me just fine
That’s simply how one converse at the grown-up table
There is no more effective way to retain and convey massive amounts of highly specific information
He asked for my hand
And though I half expected to get clowned on, I offered it
He had a look and said with some softness
“You’re a beauty.”
Oh ho ho, that’s how it be, this one had a way with the ladies
But I entertained his thoughts with sufficient yet irreverent gravity
He said some other things, and finally
That when the time came
I’d fly straight to heaven
Though he and I both knew that was something I didn’t believe in—
Of course I know him, he’s me—
But being the lowercase implied alternate meaning
And I glimpsed the sweetest eternity
A tiny little seed embraced by heavy earth teeming
And full of possibility
I could go anywhere
I could be anything
I didn’t want to wake
Anyways, do you ever look back yeeears later
After you’ve stumbled upon certain esoteric tidbits
And go HEY
Mischief creature
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Captive Audience
We wandered by her daughter’s keyboard
And each of us simultaneously pressed a single key
I went off the deep end and she went high
The kids asked what was so funny
She always had to interject
“Guys, she’s my friend,”
Because her littles would just monster truck all over every conversation
Try and drag me to a second location
Kids blossom when you treat them like growing people instead of children
Remember far more than you’ll be comfortable with, notice things you didn’t
Eager earth and bespoke genetic expression, be mindful what you plant
Listen with the stillness of your environment
Pay attention
They’re not stupid
Well she knew I had no interest in gambling with the other adults
So she found a movie she thought I’d like
The Revenant
Something about a scraggly man getting beat up by a bear in the woods??
I wouldn’t know
Because her youngest girl crawled up the back of the couch
And into my lap
And talked for three hours straight
Continued her address even while asleep
Honestly impressive
Spinning an entire web of stories
Which I realized were all of her dreams
Along with every single thought or drop of imagining to ever cross her very busy mind
Woven seamlessly throughout her physical reality
When her mama came to check on us
And bring me a stiff drink
She pulled a blanket over the mumbling child
And whispered knowingly
“You didn’t hear any of it did you?”
Credits rolling
Not one word
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Live Laugh Love
I’m just saying have some standards
See people acting a mess over scraps of affection from the opposite sex
And here I am waking up to chipper morning texts
Like a bird’s nest of recently hatched eggs
She’ll tell me how much she enjoys her quiet house and cup of coffee
Watching videos about interior design
Wearing her grandma’s old nightgown
What she cooked or how good it feels to clean
The to-do list, a somatic scan
How long she cried
Just anything
Tells me she loves me and she’s glad we’re friends
Randomly, always, always
Shows up at my work to bring me treats and coffee
I’m down whenever it’s time to renovate or redecorate
Construction, earthworks, gardening, flooring, plumbing sprung a leak, I’m a beast
Steeeep curve on the gardening, cotton ears sometimes
Get drunk and build furniture in the Babe Cave
Through and through September baby basic
Says she likes inspirational and Bible quotes
When she says those things she means it
I know you do mama, this is why we’re friends
She admires my relentless storm of creation and analyses
Wonders what the world must be like the way I see
Even if she doesn’t always know how to respond in kind
How you don’t speak Weather’s language directly, you just know to hunker down or fly
There will be signs
When the GPS lock on my location showed my Uber driver gone AWOL
Spoke neither English nor Spanish nor any Latin-based
Fucked off into the dark desert
In the far opposite direction of my house
She was in her truck with the Glock out at a pin’s drop
Still somewhat drunk but certainly not so drunk she couldn’t shoot his tires and run his car off the road
Got that anxiety override
We don’t play in red states
Shoved a man to the ground just because she thought he touched her ass
Put every other man in the vicinity on notice
No hesitation
The three of us went out dancing once
And my sister said she couldn’t understand why the two of us were so close
Because we had nothing in common besides Jiu Jitsu
But that’s just, you know, strutting the stuff, kicking dirt, scent marking
She don’t like nobody at first anyway
This is why we’re friends
Three velociraptors all ladies, ladies, it’s okay
We can all be old biddies in the Practical Magic house together someday
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Daisies
He had been her most difficult pregnancy
The roughest road to recovery
Broad shoulders, fat head, blood sugar fluctuations
Still compulsively checks the mirror for the baby weight
The day before, she’d helped him clean and redecorate
Didn’t catch a red flag
After all, look who’s her best friend
He wanted floor to ceiling black
They sat side by side
And he asked if she was happy for him
Or happy for her
They’re not stupid
He always wanted to come with us when we ran errands
She still sleeps with a pillowcase full of his candy wrappers
Foiled blooms strewn about where they found him
Meanwhile her husband bought the car his son would never be old enough to drive
Shadow black Mustang GT, red leather interior, black rims
Gave it to the youngest daughter
Who dresses like her mother
But took up his chains and clove cigars
Gotta grow into some legs to reach those pedals
Oh that boy cried and pouted when she took off on her bike and he couldn’t manage
Of course it didn’t help when his sister loudly announced that his legs were too weak
And called him a baby
That girl’s as subtle as gasoline
My messy baby stirring up shit
To be fair, that was revenge for the fact he’d punch her as hard as he could for no reason and laugh
You’ll recall the time I had to give that boy a Talking To
Now that’s the car his mama picks me up with when she needs to have emotions
Top down cruising at night
Incited a whole train of revved engines
Fucksake they couldn’t even see us
Still tryna race
She riled em up right into a sharp turn
Me looking to head off intermittent showers, a lil storm cloud
Finally I did voiceover for V-8 black black babygirl
Metal screamed LEAVE ME ALONE I’M SAD FUCK
Tongue out, double devil horns
And she laughed so hard we had to pull over
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That Good Size
She pulled up wearing a cropped white peasant top with a flowy white floral skirt
And I came out in a stonewashed charcoal flutter dress with heavy chain belts
Prancers and stompers the usual
She rolled the window down and tipped a singsong helloo-o to the birthday girl
Her son’s birthday not long before
Rough ride
Over lavender lemon drops and a plate of hot cheese with bread at the bar—
It’s fine, artichoke is enough vegetable—
She showed me a picture of her supposedly overweight granddaughter
17 lbs at four months
Prediabetic my fucking ass
Doctor told her oldest still too green to fight her corner to withhold the tit
Telling a girl she fucking fat before she’s even walking
Go down there give Yelp review a new meaning
Baby cries you feed it, end of, go fuck yourself
Of course the doctor was a man
Demonstrated how grandma has to exercise her grandbaby’s chubby lil legs
And I slooowly side glanced over the cellphone screen
And made a lil gobble piggy snort
She wept and wheezed with laughter
The lady bartenders smiled to themselves
Thin crow’s feet and delicate crinkled corners hard earned
Her first wily grey hairs
Admired her brand new intricate gold pendant
Something something high end jewelry house idk
Showed me how it caught the light so beautifully
On account of being scored with tiny radiant lines
She has her grandma’s eyes
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Where the Crawdads Sing
I went to my old river spot on a whim
The city put busted cement highway dividers jutting rebar all over to stop drug dealers from parking down there
Let the entire boat ramp go to shit, disintegrating jagged edge
Fountain grass and mesquite quick to scramble through the pebbled cracks
And what did I see but a bright red crawdad
Never before in my life
So I sent her a picture immediately
And she said that was so funny
Because it was her grandmother’s birthday
And she was just thinking about me
The youngest always said she only spoke on Jiji
When she and I were in the kitchen experimenting
Winging it
Adding spices until our ancestors gave the okay
How much chile?
Yes
Does the recipe call for garlic?
Fuck it yes
Our pumpkin pies have a kick
Fruit tart shelled with accidental orange zest shortbread
Liver and onions, eggplant dressing
Shrimp egg stew my favorite
Tiramisu but make it cinnamon grahams and cocowhip
Oh that’s just the triplets diapered and shirtless
Sitting on the tile floor mouths open like baby birds—
If you ever wonder why their first response when one of us calls is to cheerfully rip off their clothes and come running—
So (step)grandma can spoon feed them all in a row with minimal cleanup
By the time the third one is done chewing the first is ready again
We’ll learn utensils later
They don’t care what it is as long as it comes from your hand
Or was stuck to your pants
Not without manners, first they will offer you the pants snack
I say step but they all call her mom in the aftermath
Whose table do you sit at when shit hits the fan?
Who came got your ass?
Her grandma cooked with a cast iron cauldron on the lawn for the community
See a baby feed a baby
And as prescription for her granddaughter’s burgeoning turbulence
Told her if she put a pair of pants at the foot of her bed
God would fill them up with a man
Yeah, I know, I have some…notes
Grew up with her sister in New Orleans
Cast her ashes into the Mississippi
She passed when her oldest was but a babe
Where we’ll lay her son to rest
His father refused a service
Did not accompany her to retrieve the ashes
Yeah, I know, I have some…notes
She said what she’d missed all this time
What she needed most
Would have made all the difference
Was a strong woman’s presence in her life
I said look in the mirror
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Synchronize
Just now as we speak she’s painted a picture for her office
A large black canvas with a hot pink cloud adrift in the center
And written stronger than the storm ❤ in the bottom corner
And my sister just sent me a picture of a picture
We took at a tourist spot when we were very young girls
Obligatory saloon dress up
You gotta do it at least once to say it’s done
Like two kids gone wild in the theater closet, a study of corseted contrasts
She’s wearing black wings and I’m wearing white
Also frilly britches red and black respective, garters, fishnets, liquor bottles and revolvers
Gold bead hair net to my pearl
Up To No Good
Much Mischief
You know I think everyone just might get along
Sister always snaps a pic when she’s shooting tequila and asks what I’m doing
Surprised once, asked where and with whom I was learning to yeehaw rope
And I said me and her and some teenage boy on YouTube who’s all legs and a hat
With champagne in the garage
She wholly approved
And one morning when mama didn’t cry
It was because she had a dream so wild
She told me first thing
Something about her blood was poison to vampires and she had to exterminate a nest
But couldn’t figure out how
And I pitched a pilot for a new show—
We are vampire drama connoisseurs, that’s what we do after Jiu Jitsu—
Where we travel the country with our Cajun food truck
Can switch hit Thai in a pinch
Undercover
Figured exploding blood bullets would be too complicated
Like one of us would have to be a smith and don’t get me wrong I could do it but…
Might be a health code violation
And flamethrowers a bit conspicuous
So I said we got special sigil wards and ropes soaked in blood and colloidal silver braided with sweetgrass
Wait for her to get her period
Then drive them on horseback into some booby traps
Idk like spike pits drenched in accelerants
Brambles, barbed wire, holy wells, I’m plenty creative
Full of tricks
We’ll call it Secret Ingredients
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Of A Feather
We sat on her bed watching “them swamp vampires”
With a pile of random snacks foraged from the kitchen
And Cosmopolitans her favorite
And got to talking about what my type even is
Because it sure as shit isn’t Bill (bee-uhl) or Eric Northman (pfft)
(Wasn’t a powerlifting Mexican biker working graveyard at a nursing home either tbh)
(Like fr the final guy better be gangly af ’cause I’m tired of cramps in my hips)
(I don’t care if he has all the grace of a skinwalking marionette)
(The proper consort of a Scary Godmother is a Fairy Longfather, I’ve decided)
(I digress)
She was curious, a romantic, tryna picture him
Seemed such a waste (she just wants more babies)
You know, wingwoman manifest
And I said it’s like how Maman accepts sacrifice of black roosters
Ha ha yeah yeah yeah, but also
That’s a fine feathered gentleman caller
Giving Ayam Cemani vibes
And if you look over on BackYardChickens
It’s either Behold My Rooster the Very Fancy Man much applause
Or FUCK that rooster, only good rooster is a dead rooster
Recipes in comments
Crockpot, spoon, chancla
Most often the latter, sad to say, Russian roulette at the hatchery
See I wouldn’t mind a papa goose takes thrice as long as me in the bathroom getting gussied up
(Being generous, I’m in and out fifteen minutes tops)
(I may or may not pat the ass, get the belly, I like my hands full)
Not saying he gotta go Marilyn Manson
Or even do the headbang like a lil cockatoo (so cute)
I’ll happily take Classic Gothic Lit ink smudged acoustic, I do specialize in the literary tradition
But that black plumage better be there in spirit
At the very least expressive and mildly if not overtly distressed
Stoicism is my gig, gotta have balance
I prefer to drive the tempo and the rhythm, that there’s the frontman
I don’t need help with my feelings or making decisions
VaLiDaTiOn
Last bitch in the world to say “let me ask my husband” or cry over an empty bed
(Just off working or puttering or whatever, not empty ’cause he’s like…dead)
(Shit, probably wouldn’t even cry then, that water’s went)
I need some quality sounds, way I see it
Why else men got all that bone density if not to be their woman’s amplifier
Sensitive and responsive exponents exclamation marks funeral pyres
Don’t get one if you don’t wanna be loud
Can’t maintain the…equipment
Shit happens, he could be a 40 year old barista jams in his parents’ attic for all I care
A janitor with burning passions and hidden talents who just never had the chance
Did the responsible thing instead
Well take it from a been there grizzled sunshine bitch who’s had nothing
For me, music inhabits the same tier as food, it’s honey in the comb, more is more
Saying I really like to put a pulse in a corpse
All the corpse, full rapture
Well my phone must have heard us fondly reminiscing the time we shat all over Nosferatu
Front row in the theater just roasting it to death
We make the bed wherever we’re at
Because YouTube suggested, shockingly, something that wasn’t trash
Good madams could I perchance interest you in Some Hold My Chalice Goth Shit
R.I.P. By Motionless in White
And we sat there, beaming opposites
Bubbling over because he would have loved it
He was so vain about his long hair and all his girls
Canoodling under fuzzy blankets at the theater
Tell you right now who that boy actually took after
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Grann Brigitte
He’d toddle into the kitchen naked under an oversized shirt
‘Cause we were in there gossiping with coffee in our caftans
Bright and bushy in the morning just like his mama
First time we met he meowed and crawled into my lap
This kid
Bout three or four years old
Did his sisters’ makeup well
Taught himself to twerk off a furry porn video like auntie watch this
Woman you need to Speak to your son
He’d automatically put his hand in my hand
Or otherwise remain in some fashion attached
If mom was too busy, distracted
‘Cause that’s what a good boy does when he wants to leave the house
He loved to visit graveyards
Why would she have caught a red flag
I always pointed out the beautiful gates on the funeral home where they embalmed my grandfather
I remember them well
Like a strange symbol I found way back when
Linework curvature, spinal notches through a heart shaped hourglass
Sparkles and crossed hookups off open ends
Didn’t know what it meant, but I saw it and sensed
Felt that moment from my dream again
I teach the importance of instincts
How to listen
Her sister came to visit with her litany of girl children
And she brought them to a quiet, verdant cove to relax
But clocked at some distance a group of 19 men
Took note of it, this woman does not rest
Her head’s been on a swivel ever since she was fifteen
After a grown man knocked her up and split, notch in a long line
Funny how his “girlfriends” stayed the same age
How his disgust grew as their bodies changed
Sure enough, as her family splashed and chattered
The men began to encroach
She drew the girls to higher ground without drawing attention to herself
Had to make a split second decision whether to go back for the gun or get them out Now Now
Keep line of sight
It happens so fast
The girls never noticed, just moved when she said, unconcerned
And those men stopped dead
When they realized that she Saw them
And she would die first
She told me how there was no good reason
Men have no business thinking it’s acceptable to approach a group of women and children
Instead of maintain respectful distance
In her mama feelings, my girl
So I told her about feral pig social structure
And she goes are you saying I’m the Granny Pig
Indeed I am saying
We don’t play in red states
wyrdwind 